World's Coolest Urinal

How to keep your 16 y/o out of the mall.

http://soloround.blogspot.com/

The other blog.

http://backyard-bistro.blogspot.com/

RIght Now

Outside my window…crisp and cool
I am thinking…that this is a cheap way to post
I am thankful for…my wife and child
From the kitchen…homemade applesauce
I am wearing…the stained baggy cargo pants
I am creating…apple sauce tarts
I am going…to bed soon
I am reading…2010 Old Farmers Almanac (still).
I am hoping…that I become normal soon
I am hearing…the rustlings of homework
Around the house…peace
One of my favorite things…pasta with cheese
A few plans…sell the old guitar and get new one

Right Now

Outside my window…it’s dark and damp.
I am thinking…that it's almost bed time.
I am thankful for…life.
From the kitchen…ginger ale.
I am wearing…pj bottom + t-shirt.
I am creating…a dry crawl space.
I am going…to work tomorrow ~sigh~
I am reading…2010 Old Farmers Almanac (still).
I am hoping…that I don't smoke tomorrow.
I am hearing…piano boy
Around the house…too many lights on.
One of my favorite things…grilled cheese and soup.
A few plans…boys party weekend!!!!!!!!!!

RIGHT NOW!

Outside my window…it’s dark and about to rain.
I am thinking…how tired I am.
I am thankful for…the weekend.
From the kitchen…ham and cheese sam-itches.
I am wearing…cargo pants and a button down.
I am creating…tilt top tables.
I am going…to the high school football game.
I am reading…2010 Old Farmers Almanac.
I am hoping…that I don't smoke tomorrow.
I am hearing…the computer fan.
Around the house…deadly silent.
One of my favorite things…crisp fall days.
A few plans…football, KISS tickets, TV, yardwork.
A picture to share...flashlight exposure pix.

1964 Epiphone Sorrento

buy me!

1964 Epiphone Sorrento cont'd

One, two, three, four............

I declare war against the sock drawer!!!!!!

2009 Scleroderma Fundraiser

-----------------------> today

today I will play outside

because tomorrow

I might not be able

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brain dump

last post = may 30 + last cigarette = may 31

6 weeks + 20 added pounds later

go figure more space time energy = less posting

who cares? who reads?

maybe I need a facebook page

vacation was good

new england is beautiful

life is wonderful

yard work and grilling are the favorites

can you get paid for that?

i hate the cravings

but I am happy that you are happy for me

First Solo Flight

I wish I could say this was from me but it came from a friend.

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Yesterday, I made my first Solo Flight as Pilot in Command, and thought I would share the Experience.

It started out as a normal day, unaware that I was going to solo. Though I knew it was going to be soon. The weather was good and well above VFR minimums. I met with my Flight Instructor and was briefed. ‘We’ll just do a few Touch and Go’s Today, he said. At that point I became a little suspicious because Gene always gives a detailed preflight. Anyway, I began the preflight of the airplane and then called Karen to let her know I might solo today. But she was in a meeting, so I left a message.

We taxied off and did a few touch and go’s and then headed back to the west ramp. My instructor then told me to stop the plane. He asked for my log book and student pilot cert. I curiously handed them to him. As he endorsed them, he said ‘it’s your airplane’. I thought to myself, ok now what? He said nothing more, so I asked him. What am I supposed to do?
His reply was, exactly as we just did. I have a hand held if you need to contact me’. He then shook my hand and walked away. Reality had just set in!

I jumped back into the airplane, fastened my seat belt, cleared the area and started the engine. I turned on the nav/comm and got a quick terminal information briefing on ATIS and then contacted ground that I was ready to taxi for closed traffic with the option. They quickly cleared me to taxi to 20R. The nerves were building... As I was taxing, ground asked me if I wanted a Run-up. Although not necessary since we just flew the plane, I replied yes and headed to the run-up area for 20R. The run-up checked out. I contacted ground with run-up complete and they cleared me to hold short 20R and contact Tower. I tuned to tower and headed to 20R.

As I was holding short on 20R, I noticed there was a lot of traffic with a jet on final, one taking off and several in the pattern. So I just sat there and waited for the traffic to clear and for tower to clear me. The anticipation and anxiety was building. I started to sweat a little. But then over the radio I heard ‘N109PH cleared for right traffic 20R’. The moment has come! I taxied onto the runway and lined myself up with the centerline. My heart was beating fast, almost a distraction. I did a quick pre-takeoff check and then applied full power. All the training over the last several months had come to this. The plane accelerated down the runway quickly, more than I was used too, and I then realized it was because I was minus my 235 pound instructor. Just as quickly as that, I rotated the controls and was airborne. At that point as I was climbing, I looked over to my right – no Instructor. But all my nervousness and anxiety went away as I started to climb out. I quickly reached 500’ and began my crosswind turn. My airspeed was good and all seemed ok. I then made my downwind turn and reached pattern altitude shortly thereafter. I reduced the power and held pattern altitude to about midfield when tower came over the radio and cleared me to land 20R with the option.

As I was abeam the runway, I reduced power and added flaps. Opps, I forgot to do the pre-landing checklist! I thought of my instructor always nagging me like a nagging wife (no offense Karen) and it paid off. PRE-LANDING CHECKLIST!, I heard. I then turned base, reduced power and applied more flaps. Tower informed me a jet was on 5 mile final, so I rounded my turn to avoid encroaching on the parallel runway - don’t want to collide with a jet on final, would make for a bad scene... Here we go! I executed a perfect turn and began setting up for landing (an area I struggled with). But I felt I had worked hard to get it down and was confident I could execute a good landing. On final, I applied the remaining flaps and reduced power. I was drifting off course but quickly corrected. As I was about 100’ feet off the runway I reduced power to idle. My approach airspeed was good, (60-65 knots) and I was coordinated.

I made the go-no go-decision to land. The plane started to descend quickly and I started to level off just past the runway threshold. The runway came up fast. I was now in the flare and could feel the plane sinking. I started pulling back on the yoke. I heard the stall horn. And then just like that, she touched down as smoothly as can be. I had landed, and it was a good one! As I taxied back to the runway, I could see the flight school guys and gals waving their hands. It put a big grin on my face. I did it, my first solo!

The next two takeoffs and landings were good. The second landing had a little bounce but I recovered quickly. As I taxied back to parking, the flight school guys and gals were all there to greet me. It was a great moment! A sense of accomplishment at one point I wasn’t sure I would achieve. I then called Karen but again... she was in a meeting. So I left her another message and said “I just Soloed and I love you”.


Thanks for sharing my experience.

TOP 10 CIGARETTES

10. On a long road trip

09. Last thing before bed

08. After a big meal

07. After coffee

06. On the beach

05. During sunset

04. In front of the campfire

03. After Beer

02. After sex

01. After beer and sex on the beach in front of the campfire during sunset.

The Stigma and the Stigmata

We all know now that smoking is not cool anymore. Maybe once upon a time smoking was the fashionable way to go but in reality that's nothing more than marketing. Gee whiz, how hard could it be to market an addictive product anyway?

Bottom line.......smoking sucks and is nothing more than a social stigma.

Below the bottom line.....nothing sucks more than smoking except trying to quit!

Yes, I am trying to quit smoking by taking Chantix and it's simply not fun. However between the dizzy spells, puking and wild sex dreams, I have managed to cut down by at least half or better. Most of the time I don't even feel like having a cigarette but only do it because the habit says it's time to smoke. There is supposed to be a "quit date" where you stop smoking for real but I'm dragging it out a little past the normal schedule because I happen to like being high all the time and having a tingling head. (As much as like puking.)

To have invented a great system for keeping track of my progress as well. I simply write the daily smoke count on my hand using a large black marker. By the end of the day, my hand is a black scribble of numbers and smudge but I like to pretend it's my version of the stigmata where I can offer up my suffering to a higher power.

Here's the stats so from the first week of medicine.

Friday = 17 (nearly passed out dizzy at work)

Saturday before Mother's Day = 16

Mother's Day = 6

Monday = 10

Tuesday = 10.5

Wednesday = 10

Thursday = 9 (puked up the morning coffee)

Friday = 8

Saturday = 6

Sunday = 3

I'm about ready to drop them altogether but will wait for next weekend.

Third Row Seats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post Cards from the North.

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Ahhhhhh......New England.

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Western Massachusetts to be precise.

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If you want to know where I came from

and what stirs my memories then please

check out

Jeanne's pictures

of the Pioneer Valley.

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http://jeanne-project365-2009.blogspot.com/

A month and a day.........

...........since my last post.


If anyone still reads, I'm still here.

Had some computer issues and discovered a whole new "man-hobby."

Blogging may be better than the new hobby, haven't decided yet, but details later.

Hey, what's on TV?

Here's what's on TV tonight.

1. People selling a house.
2. People buying a house.
3. People playing cards.
4. People training their dog.
5. People changing the tile in their bathroom.
6. People changing the plants in their garden.
7. Wasted people getting arrested.
8. People cleaning out grease tanks at a factory.
9. People playing golf.
10. People getting yelled at because they cook badly.
11. People who need to change their wardrobe.
12. People who need to remove clutter from their house.

I am going to mop the kitchen floor tomorrow. The day after that I'm changing light bulbs and the batteries in the smoke detectors. If I have enough time that night, I will attempt to clean the oven as well. You are all invited to come over and watch.

Forty years ago tomorrow.

Allegedly during the winter of 1968 I was a contended 4-year old thrilled with the prospect of having a baby sister in the new year.
























When March 8th rolled around all the boys were forced to take refuge in a local bar while we waited for mom to deliver on her promise.

Apparently upon hearing the news, I hid under the table and cried that I didn't want a sister.

I still have occasion to go to bars and hide under the table and cry. And I tell you my friends, it ain't cause I have a baby sister.

Demon Rock Boy with Father

First time on the drums.

click on the bass drum for a closeup of the rock and roll eyeballs

Dad rocks with the 1978 Les Paul Custom.

The 2009 Snowstorm

>>> Wolverines make comeback in Georgia.

Who needs groundhogs and meteorologists
when we have daffodils to predict the weather?

If they bloom before March 1st, then it will snow.

See below for the post from February 15th.

If you don't believe me, just ask Pokey.

She was OK until the wolverines started to attack.

Who needs fancy sports equipment?

After an informal water-cooler poll this morning I was surprised to learn that most men are not aware of the full range of urination games at their disposal. At the risk of being lewd, attracting the wrong type reader or being labelled as a pervert, I am going share what I flushed out to be the top 6 amusements for those of us lucky enough to pee standing up. Hopefully it will offer you some insight into the human creative process. After all, some of the best games, artwork and technology are often derived from insightful examination of everyday events.



6. Writing your name in the snow. No real explanation needed and probably dates as far back as the written word itself. (Some original manuscripts rumored to still exist in the Nepal region.) However the concept was a bit lost on my southern friends who grew up without snow.


5. Crossfire (aka Sword fight). 2 -player game usually limited to those 7 and younger who are forced to share the bathroom with male siblings. The object is to cross streams as if sword fighting. Quite a surprise to the guys who only had sisters. George Lucas has considered this for Darth vs. Luke but settled on light sabres instead.


4. Sink the cigarette butt. Mostly illegal thanks to the ban on public smoking however in the right bar you might get in a game or two. Really good for hand-eye coordination and improving your concentration. Alternate versions known to include flies, roaches, mosquitoes and moths. (More points are awarded if the moths is still flapping his wings.) The armed forces have been the leading proponents of this science since WWII.




3. Laser drill, saw or water-jet. This is where you use your streaming power to drill or saw through pieces of toilet paper left unflushed by the last user. A favorite among the engineering students studying fluid mechanics.


2. Sandblasting. Without being too graphic, the target in this game is usually some form of caked on residue which must be power-cleaned off the side wall. (Watch that over spray on the rim .) Another engineer's favorite and no doubt the impetus for some of our best power tools.


1. Timed Flush. The object here is to time the flush so that the sounds of all running water end at the same time. Great way to improve timing and coordination. Also useful for those with thin- walled bathrooms or unusually loud streams. (Most men however will discover that they are premature flushers.)




(any comments regarding golden showers, peeing in the shower, peeing in the pool or peeing in your pants to stay warm in the winter will be deleted)

How I tell time.

when Orion appears in front of my house

I know that winter is coming

when he finally moves to the back yard

making way for the big dipper

I know that spring will be here soon.

he does this every year

The Swamp @ Mercer University

CLICK THE PIX FOR THE TOTAL TURTLE

How are we going to eat dinner now?

I used up all our dinner forks trying to copy some great art.

http://fork-art.com/

I thought it would be more fun but I'm finished with this hobby.

February 15?

General Lee, the southern groundhog, has predicted an early spring.

He lives right down the street from me.

http://www.yellowrivergameranch.com/

The crocuses got the message.

The daffodils are not far behind.

Alledgedly, if the daffodils bloom before March 1st,

it's going to snow!

We'll see about that!

A story I heard.

I remember hearing once about three high school seniors who went to New Hampshire for a long party weekend. They brought 7 cases of beer and an ounce of weed. Somewhere around 3:00am one of them suggests that they smoke a joint, light a candle and talk about "reality."

I don't remember what happened next but chances are they woke up 27 years later and realized that reality was actually mortgage payments, kids in braces and dogs who poop on the floor.

A story I like.

Maybe your inbox already has 5 copies but the message hits me in a mid-life crisis sort of way. Afterall, most men lead lives of quiet desperation and we should perhaps strive to do what we love and love what we do. But until I retire in Vermont with my 3 flannel shirts and $50.00 pick-up truck, I'll be happy to write about it. (Or copy and paste about it.)

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The American Tourist and Mexican Fisherman

An American tourist was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The tourist complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The tourist then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The tourist then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The tourist scoffed, " I can help you. You should spend more time fishing;and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you could run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

The tourist replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The tourist laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

Jumbled Random History Death

There always seems to be a topic for a good story floating around in my head. But just as that idea starts to develop, another one pops up. Eventually my head is full of lead sentences that never amount to more than brain clog that slows down the whole system. Somehow I need to defrag the file structure in my head because the disk space seems a little screwed up. We could talk about exercise, diet, smoking, sex, stress and other imbalances that may be occurring or I could just do a brain-dump rough draft all over this page.

First, a good friend of our family has just died. It's all so quite sad and tragic as she was young and had plenty yet to offer this world. I try to focus on the meaning of this whole situation but just end up numb. I doubt numb is one of the the typical stages of grief and maybe it comes under the category of denial but I don't think that is the case here. I'm fine with the short answers like "life's not always fair" and "God has his plan" but am still left with some sort of vagary about the whole situation. I feel bad for feeling this way but this is where I am.

Second, I had a decent conversation about racism with a 55 year-old black southerner today. He was sharing his perspective of segregated high-schools back in the day and I was talking about the Freedom Riders of 1961. I knew he couldn't answer my questions but I wanted him to know that I was starting to understand his pain. Ultimately I was questioning the absurdity of the human condition which causes people to beat the shit out of others just for the color of their skin. What is that? I could almost understand a major social mistake in core beliefs which could temporarily justify slavery. But after a war, some law changes and 100 years of thinking, you would think we knew right from wrong.

Third, I forgot.

Fourth, I also forgot.

Not to mention Golf School is cheaper than Ski School.

Retro Active Resolutions

I like to think that I am in a state of constant self-improvement. Always analyzing and reinventing my moral code and attitudes. However the truth is that I tend to vacillate between being a hyper-active improvement manic and a down-right lazy TV-watching sloth. Perhaps this has a lot to do with how busy, frustrated and exhausted I can get from working full-time. For now I could just care less about the root cause and would rather work around whatever it is that makes me this way. That is why I have invented the retro-active resolution program. I decide, as I go along, what my resolution for the year will be.

Fortunately work is slow right now and I am undergoing and upswing in energy and motivation. Therefore this year's resolutions will revolve around getting the house fixed up, getting organized and keeping my act more together. So far this year I have removed and sold our backyard batting cage via Craig's List. Sold the "Beermeister" and transformed our old play fort into a swing/deck combo made for two. Some of these changes have a great deal of meaning in terms of new life chapters but we can touch on that later. Right now I have to empty the dishwasher, get the 3rd load into the dryer, the second load into the dishwasher, mop, go to the recycle place, do the food shopping, check on my friends cats and then lunch.

The elusive pileated woodpecker.

Chased him around the yard with a camera all weekend. This is as close as I could get. Click the picture to see a little closer.

The Bridge

Unique suspension bridge in Greenville, SC. Cables and supports only used on one side. Great downtown for shopping and eating too. A must see for my Atlanta friends.

http://www.fallspark.com/liberty_bridge.asp

With this ring..........

My wedding ring has always been a little too big for me. You can read that any way you wish but as far as I'm concerned there is no metaphor here. Thankfully I don't ever recall hearing any lore relating to wedding rings. Break a mirror or step on a crack , that's trouble. But fortunately for me, losing my wedding ring in the back yard has no meaning. At least no symbolic meaning anyway. All it means (I hope) is that my fingers shrink when it's cold outside and I'm somewhat of a careless person. It also means I get to hear a counter-story every time I talk about the demise of my ring.


One guy claims his ring has always been too tight and in 20 years of marriage it hasn't been off his finger for more than 5 minutes. Another related that he nearly lost his ring two months after the wedding while he was on a "business" trip which involved alcohol and the ocean. A guy I used to work with complained that his ring trapped dirt and made his skin rot like athlete's foot. And yet another had his finger removed by a machine and claims it was his ring that saved his whole arm being taken into the crushing gears.


Fortunately for all us guys, the ring is already an official marriage symbol and you just can't add any symbolism on top of it. However, ask me what happened to the photo album from the wedding and you might have a story.

The Best Thanksgiving

There is no doubt in my mind that this Thanksgiving was the best one I've had this year. I'm not just saying that to suck up to family readers either. I truly mean what I say. Ask anyone who knows me, I'm always sincere and honest without a hint of wise-assedness. This was the best Thanksgiving this year for so many reasons that I find it hard to pick just one to write about. All that warm-fuzzy nostalgic made-for-TV movie stuff just sends my head a spinning . Therefore, instead of giving you the melodramatic version, I will simply narrow it down to a few highlights.

BEST TWO-HOUR LONG VERSION OF TWISTED SISTER'S "WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT" PLAYED IN THE CAR ON PORTABLE KEYBOARD:
~Nick

BEST COMBINATION OF TURKEY, PERUVIAN FOOD AND ALCOHOL:
~Aunt Denise


BEST TOUR OF UPTOWN CHARLOTTE:
~Aunt Desnie/Uncle Manuel


BEST MOVE THEATRE EXPERIENCE:
~Charlotte IMAX


BEST COMBINED USE OF PAPRIKA, SINUS MEDICATION AND CHAMPAGNE RESULTING IN HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER:
~Aunt Denise


BEST COFFEE STAIN THAT APPEARS IN THE MOST FAMILY PICTURES:
~Me


BEST FOOTBALL GAME:
~None


BEST PHOTOGRAPHY EXHIBIT:
~Grandpa Larry


BEST ONE-HOUR LONG VERSION OF TWISTED SISTER'S "WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT" PLAYED ON THE PORCH AFTER THANKSGIVING DINNER ON PORTABLE KEYBOARD:
~Nick


BEST DRINKS FOR HOMELESS PEOPLE:
~Starbucks Coffee in Charlotte


BEST DRESSED HOMELESS PERSON:
~Altanta, GA Man in Marist High School Swim Team Jacket

BEST SCRABBLE PLAYER:
~Grandma Clara


BEST PERSON TO HAVE IN THE CAR WITH YOU:
~Michele


BEST MULTI-COURSE BIRTHDAY MEAL:
~Grandma Clara


BEST ONE AND A HALF-HOUR LONG VERSION OF TWISTED SISTER'S "WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT" PLAYED ON GRANDMA'S PIANO:
~Nick

BEST IMPERSONATION OF A CHRISTMAS ANGEL:
~Michele

BEST EXAMPLE OF DETACHABLE SHOULDERS:
~Grandpa Larry

BEST EMERGECNY ROOM:
~Presbyterian Hospital, Matthews, NC

BEST CHOICE FOR CROWDED OUTLET SHOPPING IN THE RAIN:
~Gaffney, SC

BEST USE OF SOUTHERN WORDS BY CRACKER BARREL EMPLOYEE:
~"Do you want me to get yallz's check now?"

BEST REASONS TO COME HOME:
~To hear Pokey + Louis bark all night.