Who needs fancy sports equipment?

After an informal water-cooler poll this morning I was surprised to learn that most men are not aware of the full range of urination games at their disposal. At the risk of being lewd, attracting the wrong type reader or being labelled as a pervert, I am going share what I flushed out to be the top 6 amusements for those of us lucky enough to pee standing up. Hopefully it will offer you some insight into the human creative process. After all, some of the best games, artwork and technology are often derived from insightful examination of everyday events.



6. Writing your name in the snow. No real explanation needed and probably dates as far back as the written word itself. (Some original manuscripts rumored to still exist in the Nepal region.) However the concept was a bit lost on my southern friends who grew up without snow.


5. Crossfire (aka Sword fight). 2 -player game usually limited to those 7 and younger who are forced to share the bathroom with male siblings. The object is to cross streams as if sword fighting. Quite a surprise to the guys who only had sisters. George Lucas has considered this for Darth vs. Luke but settled on light sabres instead.


4. Sink the cigarette butt. Mostly illegal thanks to the ban on public smoking however in the right bar you might get in a game or two. Really good for hand-eye coordination and improving your concentration. Alternate versions known to include flies, roaches, mosquitoes and moths. (More points are awarded if the moths is still flapping his wings.) The armed forces have been the leading proponents of this science since WWII.




3. Laser drill, saw or water-jet. This is where you use your streaming power to drill or saw through pieces of toilet paper left unflushed by the last user. A favorite among the engineering students studying fluid mechanics.


2. Sandblasting. Without being too graphic, the target in this game is usually some form of caked on residue which must be power-cleaned off the side wall. (Watch that over spray on the rim .) Another engineer's favorite and no doubt the impetus for some of our best power tools.


1. Timed Flush. The object here is to time the flush so that the sounds of all running water end at the same time. Great way to improve timing and coordination. Also useful for those with thin- walled bathrooms or unusually loud streams. (Most men however will discover that they are premature flushers.)




(any comments regarding golden showers, peeing in the shower, peeing in the pool or peeing in your pants to stay warm in the winter will be deleted)